Bush to sue 'I Speak Your Weight Machine'?

Unreliable sources, ie. not Mr Bush hisself, report that the Premier's sensitivity to criticism has hit new heights and he is to sue an "I speak Your Weight Machine" for defamation. 

Apparently Premier Bush and Kurt Tibbets had a disagreement, about who weighed the most, that turned into a bet. Naturally only honour was at stake not money, because gambling is illegal here, and nothing illegal ever happens in Grand Cayman. Ever.

This was clearly an unwise wager by Kurt since, following the fitting of his gastric band, Mr Bush is less bulky than he was -  Bush Lite, as some wags have it. But it is heartening to find Mr Tibbets disagreeing with Mac on something.

Neither could produce a pair of scales that the other would trust and as it was a weekend the public weighbridge was closed, so they agreed to use a drug store I-Speak-Your-Weight machine that dispensed a printed card recording the weight.

"Yessuh let's have it on record", said Kurt, "That way you can't be puttin words into my mout'  later."

"The man quick enough to put anything in your mout' ain't been born. You so busy fillin it yourself nobody else can get at it", replied Mac.

Disregarding these observations on his appetite Kurt stepped up to the plate (no not that sort of plate) and caused some merriment saying  "This here machine is right up yah political street  Mac. It's Pay to Play".

Kurt patted his pockets looking for 10¢ to operate the machine but seemed to be out of change. Turning to Mac he asked, "Hey buddy, can you spare me a dime?  I'm broke. Like Cayman."

"Yeah! And you the one dat broke it",  Mac replied.

Kurt finally found a coin from a pocket and pressed it into the slot. The needle raced around the dial with an audible whoosh. Zero to Sumo in under a second.

The machine coughed out its verdict in polite metallic tones,  "One at a time please or you will damage the mechanism".

Mac quickly stepped in. "Kurt, you so heavy the needle on the dial is all the way round and bendin' up. Let me try it 'fore you break it."

The Premier mounted the scale's platform, half turned and winked to the growing crowd. "Now watch this".  He dropped his money (your money really) into the coin slot. The needle on the dial moved at a more leisurely pace this time: Mac smiled knowingly. When it stopped the machine's voice sounded out.

 "Whoah! You so fat when you haul ass you gotta make two trips" 

Mac stepped back, affronted, "Enough about my trips!  All I'm hearin' is too much trips this and too many trips that!  You mind out now 'cause I'm gonna sue your ass for every nickel you got."

 

Attempts to contact Mr Bush hisself for comments and verification on this story were unsuccessful as he was entrenched behind his new Wall of Silence in West Bay. If this one works other walls of silence will surely follow.