Mary flips her Wig

I suppose an overheated brain is an occupational hazard of wearing 66 ounces (I'm guessing) of horsehair piled on your head in a hot climate.

How else to explain the actions against Caymanian Compass reporter, Brent Fuller, by The Legislative Assembly  Speaker, Mary Lawrence, for his report on the formation of a committee to 'look into' the Freedom of Information law?

Brent had his LA reporting 'privileges' revoked for 'the rest of the week' by the Speaker - at a Friday meeting of the LA ... and they don't work weekends.

That showed him!

However, this stupendous and (possibly) unprecedented punishment was not enough for MLA Ezzard Miller.

Before we go further let me explain that I am trying to avoid using the words 'shit' 'stirring' 'Ezzard' and 'Miller'  in the same sentence but the predictive text feature is adamant that they are inseparable and they have to appear either all together or not at all. Let me just adjust that feature ....

Now, to continue ...

According to Cayman News Service Ezzard was so incensed by the use of the word 'secret' that he wanted the Compass  and Brent Fuller prosecuted.

Ezzard Miller suggested the offence committed by the paper was the use of the word “secret” to describe closed door meetings of a select committee to discuss freedom of information and the implication in the article that lawmakers may do something “untoward during those deliberations”

I read Brent Fuller's report - the word secret (or secrecy) does not appear in it. Not once. In fact he seems to have gone out of his way not to use the word to describe the said sub-committee.

On the other hand the offending Compass editorial 'On WikiKeaks'  uses the word 'secret' several times about the committee and the general review process - who really cares about that process anyway, all the real deals are made outside the LA then wheeled in for rubber stamping.

However this editorial, in very loose language, pre-empts the outcome and forecasts a curtailment or neutering of Freedom of Information legislation . It is enough over the top that it could have come from Ezzard himself - although obviously it didn't. But whichever hand wrote the editorial it was clearly not Brent Fuller because it is so emotionally and stylistically different to his report.

Which means - to me at any rate - that conflating a fair and honest report by Brent Fuller with a sub-standard editorial barely fit for a blog has resulted in the MLA's voting to try and prosecute both the paper and the reporter.

Yes you read that right - a newspaper editorial opined that politicians were not the surest guardians of freedom of information, used the word 'secret' in a bad and hurtful way and Cayman's law making body voted to prosecute the newspaper and a reporter who never used the offending word in the first place.


As an aside, this is paradoxical progress of a sort - normally the expat would have the entire blame dumped on them, be given the bum's rush and everyone else would get back to enjoying their rice and beans.


What sort of shit-stirring politico could have tied up the legislative process for an entire day, made Mary, Mary so bloody contrary and made the Cayman Islands Legislative Assembly look like some cracker-barrel court in some jerkwater town that jails out of town jaywalkers just to liven up its day. There are no prizes for guessing the name - and it's time they grew up.

The 'dignity' of the Legislative Assembly has been more demeaned by its own actions than any snide press comment could have achieved.

Cock and Bull Story

So I'm in the kitchen gutting anchovies with a Bowie knife, Cayman style, when Mrs B. calls out ... 

' Hey Baldy! Did you see this headline in Cayman New Services 

"Man beaten with bull’s penis" '.

'No. Sounds like a stupid bet to me though. He was bound to loose'.

'Don't be dumb! Some guy attacked some other guy with a dried bull's penis'

'Why would a guy be wearing a dried bull's penis?'

'Jeeeeez! LISTEN!! Man A, armed himself with a dried bull's penis and whacked some other guy with it'

'Oh wow, I see! Wonder what their beef was?  Did the guy being bullied run off or fight back?'

'Doesn't say if he beat off his attacker or just beat it'

 

'Beating off a dried bull penis wouldn't be very easy would it?'

'No, I expect it would be quite hard'

'D'ya think the police will catch him'

'They should do. I mean a guy with a bull's penis would stand out in an identity parade wouldn't he?  Don't worry, they won't be requiring your presence.'

'WelI I think that's about as far we can go here ... the anchovies are ready. Where's the custard?'

Spoons don't kill people ... people kill people

 CNS Headline

Robber scared off with spoon

"An armed robber was foiled last night by a restaurant worker who threw a spoon at the culprit after he stole money from a female customer at Liberty's Restaurant."

------------------

 

Obviously the police should now be armed with ladles.

Depleted Uranium would be a good choice of material - plenty of heft.

UPDATE: Works for Tiger's too ! 

Woman fights off tiger with ladle

Publisher Hits Final Deadline

On the passing of Desmond Seales, Editor in Chief of Cayman Net News.

I try not to speak ill of the dead, not out of superstition, but because it's no challenge, like shooting fish in a barrel - in Desmond's case that would be a puffer fish surrounded by piranha.

I try and avoid instant canonization of the deceased too - which avoidance in Desmond's case is also like shooting said fish in said barrel; saint he wasn't.

Many a eulogy begins with John Donne's words,  No man is an island entire of itself  but I think Desmond came to believe he was the embodiment of  the Island -  something that explains how he came to quarrel, one-by-one, with other self-styled 'big fish' sharing the same conceit.

Cayman probably shaped Desmond more than vice versa. He came to reflect the quirks, contrariness and sometimes garbled logic characteristic of the Cayman Islands, for example how he treated people.

The smiling, welcoming face at the door, which turns away (and turns to thunder) to cuss a servant for being too slow, too noisy, too some-ting, then turns back, smiling radiantly in an instant. 

Or how he couldn't be wrong about anything even when he obviously was.

 The man in smoldering clothes denying he was struck by lightning because he was wearing a tin hat in a thunderstorm. "That hat saved me. Imagine what would have happened if I hadn't been wearing it when that thunderbolt hit".

Cayman Net News had the authentic tang of  Cayman culture, being the same gumbo of contradictions. It mixed high moral tone, inspired comment, blunt commonsense and devil-may-care jibes at the powerful with monumental pettiness, political toadying,  self-aggrandizement, and random mumbo jumbo. Sometimes all in the same article. Fascinating.

If there wasn't enough news for the day Net News wasn't above 'finding' some or if the news wasn't lively enough, augmenting it.

Eventually he overplayed his hand. Crucial, and fairly recent,  events that lead to there being less news and less influence for Desmond were

• outing of his own journalistic source of private government documents, (Charles Clifford) for personal reasons.
• alleged comments (which he denied making) about criminal contacts and police corruption that lead to the fiasco of Operation Tempura - the scale of the fiasco not being of his making.
• publication of letters (of  very dubious origin)  in Net News about the judiciary that triggered another investigation

These events made Desmond appear, at best, a journalistic Jonah and at worst Byronic including in the sense of being "mad, bad and dangerous to know."

Desmond was much more about politics than news over the last decade but I don't think he was ever really on a side in terms of party politics.  He was more like a floating voter, prepared to take a chance on change but also prepared to take his vote elsewhere if electoral promises were broken.

Whatever his faults and failures he was consistent in calling for a better quality of  politics and politicians, he believed both had to improve and advance if the Cayman Islands was to enjoy a happy future. This is from an editorial in May 2007.

Effective political leaders should serve in a transformational role, where they are able to outline a vision for the country and instill confidence through their works to transcend personal goals and ambitions for the collective good of the country. This transformational leadership has typically been lacking in the Cayman Islands, leaving the country searching for direction 

Amen to that.

Bury Desmond's faults with him but let that agitation for better politics be his legacy.

What should his epitaph be?   .. sticking to Donne, but paraphrasing him

"...never send to know for whom the press rolls; It rolls for thee"

With fitting irony Desmond becomes headline news in all the local media ... it's what he would have wanted.

'Type 42 Jamaican Canoe' visits Grand Cayman

HMS Manchester, a Type 42 Jamaican Canoe, is making an official visit to Grand Cayman.


Unsure  about the terminology?  Let me break it down for you.

A Jamaican Canoe is a type of boat used for drug running. They are slim, fast, open boats with two huge outboard motors and often very brightly painted. Can't imagine how they got their name.

HMS Manchester is a venerable, dull grey, British Navy 'Type 42' Destroyer now used for anti drug trafficking patrols in the Caribbean - if they can get the engine started.

Two type 42's were sold to the Argentinian Navy and were used by both sides in the Falklands War.

Twenty Eight years on a Type 42 has ended up on both sides of another conflict -  the drug wars.

A navy wren has been jailed for seven-and-a-half years for her part in trying to smuggle £1.9m of cocaine into the UK on board a warship

Teresa Matos, 37, picked up 4.94 kilos of the 100 per cent pure class A drug when HMS Manchester stopped at the port Cartagena in Columbia.

The cocaine was found on the Type 42 destroyer - which had been involved in anti-drug smuggling patrols in South America - when it arrived in Plymouth en route to Portsmouth last August.

Some of the drugs had been hidden in the lining in Matos's clothes, the rest was stashed in her locker.

[Various UK papers June 18th]

Hmmmm.

HMS Manchester cost about CI$ 132 million  - which figure is close to the CI$ 155 million that the CI Government needed permission from the UK government to borrow to balance the books.

It may be worth sending a sniffer dog aboard HMS Manchester, because if drugs were found on board and the ship is confiscated for drug running in the usual speedy manner, the original owners would have to bid at public auction against (say) Argentinian buyers.

It could fetch a very good price. Well above market price. Maybe as much as CI$ 155 million.

Yah Mon!
 

Bush to sue 'I Speak Your Weight Machine'?

Unreliable sources, ie. not Mr Bush hisself, report that the Premier's sensitivity to criticism has hit new heights and he is to sue an "I speak Your Weight Machine" for defamation. 

Apparently Premier Bush and Kurt Tibbets had a disagreement, about who weighed the most, that turned into a bet. Naturally only honour was at stake not money, because gambling is illegal here, and nothing illegal ever happens in Grand Cayman. Ever.

This was clearly an unwise wager by Kurt since, following the fitting of his gastric band, Mr Bush is less bulky than he was -  Bush Lite, as some wags have it. But it is heartening to find Mr Tibbets disagreeing with Mac on something.

Neither could produce a pair of scales that the other would trust and as it was a weekend the public weighbridge was closed, so they agreed to use a drug store I-Speak-Your-Weight machine that dispensed a printed card recording the weight.

"Yessuh let's have it on record", said Kurt, "That way you can't be puttin words into my mout'  later."

"The man quick enough to put anything in your mout' ain't been born. You so busy fillin it yourself nobody else can get at it", replied Mac.

Disregarding these observations on his appetite Kurt stepped up to the plate (no not that sort of plate) and caused some merriment saying  "This here machine is right up yah political street  Mac. It's Pay to Play".

Kurt patted his pockets looking for 10¢ to operate the machine but seemed to be out of change. Turning to Mac he asked, "Hey buddy, can you spare me a dime?  I'm broke. Like Cayman."

"Yeah! And you the one dat broke it",  Mac replied.

Kurt finally found a coin from a pocket and pressed it into the slot. The needle raced around the dial with an audible whoosh. Zero to Sumo in under a second.

The machine coughed out its verdict in polite metallic tones,  "One at a time please or you will damage the mechanism".

Mac quickly stepped in. "Kurt, you so heavy the needle on the dial is all the way round and bendin' up. Let me try it 'fore you break it."

The Premier mounted the scale's platform, half turned and winked to the growing crowd. "Now watch this".  He dropped his money (your money really) into the coin slot. The needle on the dial moved at a more leisurely pace this time: Mac smiled knowingly. When it stopped the machine's voice sounded out.

 "Whoah! You so fat when you haul ass you gotta make two trips" 

Mac stepped back, affronted, "Enough about my trips!  All I'm hearin' is too much trips this and too many trips that!  You mind out now 'cause I'm gonna sue your ass for every nickel you got."

 

Attempts to contact Mr Bush hisself for comments and verification on this story were unsuccessful as he was entrenched behind his new Wall of Silence in West Bay. If this one works other walls of silence will surely follow.

Send in the Clowns

Opening the new Legislative Assembly earlier this week Uncle Mac Bush (think Uncle Joe Stalin) praised the architects for capturing the essence of the new politics - a three ring circus housing a puppet show.

The event began in spectacular fashion. An expectant crowd awaited his arrival with baited breath and some cheers were raised as his expensively customized vehicle hove into view. As it glided to a standstill an usher strode forward to open the rear passenger door. But what's this? The door came off in the usher's hand followed by a deafening BANG! and vast plumes of brown smoke erupted as all the wheels sprang off.

Good old Mac, everyone knew the wheels would fall off sometime, only the timing was in question, but it was still finely entertaining.

On the door mirror was a warning sticker stating,  "Caution: With hindsight voters can appear more stupid than they actually are. Proceed with care."


Drawing up to the microphone, set against a backdrop of smoke and distorting mirrors, Mac gave a sometimes emotional, sometimes amusing, speech about a variety of topics.

He spoke of his true love for Cayman and, seeming to become a little tearful, drew out his green silk hankie to dab his eyes. But as he drew out the hankie out came many more multi-hued silks all knotted together until there were yards of colourful fabric draped around his feet.

"That's what happen when the Auditor General get hisself involved in drawing up a specification", he quipped, "Everything ends up oversized and overcomplicated. Yessuh! I wanted Dan the Man fired, from the canon, and, though some say we wouldn't,  I say we would find someone else of his calibre."

He also touched on the other circuses in town. "We only need one circus. Competition from the Media Circus and the Civil Circus for equal billing is no longer welcome. If they want to pull their stunts and have performing Seales and stuff like that they going to have to pay good fees in future." And he wasn’t talking about just $5000, “I’m talking over $100,000”. He indicated that in the future, so long as it was inside his tent, any public performer would be allowed to walk a tightrope, "mighty tight too", without fear of repercussions - or a safety net.

And talking of rope he said people had run out of it, Cayman had run out of it, and he'd given them all the rope he was going too. "The Civil Circus don't deliver the old rope we pay them for and we just don't make the stuff anymore" - although that could change depending on the economic situation, which Sideshow Jefferson was juggling with but  it was all up in the air at the moment.

Heart ruling the head?

Sooo ... is the early excitement about Dr Shetty's plan for Medical Tourism as misplaced as it was for "Dr" Syed? 

The University College of the Cayman Islands (UCCI) has announced the appointment of Dr. Hassan Syed as its new President, following a rigorous search and selection process, which was undertaken in partnership with the Ministry of Education, Training, Employment, Youth, Sports & Culture.

The Education Minister, Hon. Alden McLaughlin, expressed his delight at Dr. Syed's appointment by saying that, "This heralds the beginning of an exciting new chapter in UCCI's history.

He added, "We are delighted to have an education professional of Dr. Syed's caliber at the helm of this Caymanian institution, especially one who is so accomplished in the local community.

The Ministry looks forward to a long and productive partnership with Dr. Syed and the University College".

That all turned out well didn't it? The "partnership" was neither notably long nor productive.

Behind the blizzard of bullshit from McLaughlin lay a simple truth:  Syed was bought and paid for (at quite some expense as it turned out) to lower standards to enable the 'Graduation' of  slack-jawed children of dimwitted voters. A good attendance record was all you needed to show up in the hired academic hat and gown and get the Graduate photo that proved to your Grandma's satisfaction that you were a genius.

Shetty actually is a Doctor (MD)  -  whereas Syed was a pretend "My Little Pony" Phd so there's one cause for optimism.

But whatever is supposed to be cooking here I will bet my right testicle (Mrs B already has the left one) it isn't what is finally served up. Land deals - yes. Some foundations being laid - yes. Money coming in from investors - yes.

But then what?


The business model that works in low cost India isn't going to translate well to high cost Cayman - the production line high-thoughput approach isn't a good match with the caribbean ambiance either.  But rather than build a smaller facility and learn what could work it's going to be a 2,000 bed hospital for cardiac surgery from the get go.

What worries me is the plethora of crowd pleasing distraction statements  now flowing from Dr Shetty that make him sound oh so political. 

 In recent media presentations the "Heart Factory" morphs into a general hospital which could mean general world class medical care right here on Cayman (just like UCCI was going to be the new Harvard). The prospect of large scale medical training opportunities for Caymanians is bandied about. Other jurisdictions wanted this facility but Shetty's heart is set on Cayman.  Why is any of this old flannel needed if the original business model stands up?

Is Mac going to cash in on the land deal whatever happens next?
Is Shetty's heart in the right place or will he cash in on his investors and bail out?

Or am I being heartless to even think this way?

The Quality of Mercy

Jury hung in Bodden trial
CNS news article

That is one strict Judge - and all because they couldn't agree a verdict.

No wonder people don't want to do jury service.

I wonder what happened to the defendant?

Glad he wasn't on my case after I got into that fight with the nuns at the zoo.

It was a mistake anyone could have made.

I was standing by the penguin pool and turned around to see what I though was a clutch of escapees so I started tossing 'em back over the fence. It was damp weather and my glasses were misted up,

OK I'd had a couple of drinks, but so had they by the fight they put up - and the language!!

Still got some bitemarks from that one. Sister's of Mercy my eye!

Why people read Blogs

My expectation of hearing 'reality' from realty people isn't that high so I was more amused than surprised to find this website  http://www.caymanluxuryproperty.com/island-lifestyle * still telling it like it isn't.

"The Cayman Islands have for many years enjoyed a thriving economy with literally zero unemployment"

"The cost of living may be about 20% higher here than in the United States (one U.S. dollar is worth only about 80 Cayman cents), but you won't  .... feel afraid to walk around at night. The reason being, it is one of the safest islands in the Caribbean. The crime rate is very low because there are no guns allowed"

 

"Add political and economic stability and you have a secure environment for the whole family."

Is that a class act or a class action, what do you think?

Wake up and smell the cordite!

* Caution - website loads slow as a dog and hogs all your browser resources.

Healthy Eating

MLAs grill Health Minister
CNS news item

Surely things haven't got that bad - have they?

... still a free lunch is a free lunch.

Hands up who want extra dumplin' wit dat?

[real story here]

The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.

If the national symbols were created today ...




National Anthem
1. O land of offshore wheezes
And verdant greenbacks fair
With the Creator's glory
Ripped up 'bout everywhere.
O sea of lies both white and grey
Merging to darkest black.
Our young men heading Northward,
Because of guns and crack


Chorus:


Once welcoming isle, set in blue Caribbean Sea,
I'm leaving, leaving very soon, O dangerous isle, I flee
Although I once roamed widely,
Without hindrance or let,
Dealers, gangstas, pimps and ho's
Soon put and end to that.


2. Away from ghetto blasters,
Their booming cankerous Rap,
Words without shame or decency,
A philosophy of crap.
Like Mount Trashmore's rare aroma,
Which wafts down unto the sea,
Our politics are garbage.
I won't be missing thee.


Chorus


3. When tired of all excitement
And glam'rous worldly care,
I'd fly on down to Cayman
And find a welcome there
But greed and spite and envy
Have claimed most every man
'Tis then I mourn the place that was
Beloved Isle Cayman.

=======================

Let me stop you there Gordon ...

Gordon Barlow is getting steamed up at people suggesting we solve the scumbag gangsta gunmen problem by doing a little assassination of our own.

I'll agree it sounds immoral on the face of it but we need an answer to this crap for the greater good because it's only going to get worse otherwise.

If the latest fatal shooting, this time of a small child, don't float your boat for toying with the idea of bit of extra-judicial you must have someting other than blood in your veins.

Police harrassment of the Evil 15, the known but 'above the law' gunmen is a good start but let's get creative. Let's get the SAS involved: they don't take prisoners.

Here's how it works.

For a specified period reverse the presumption that those who get arrested get bail unless the police agree waive that on a case by case basis.

Continue to harrass the ass of the gunslinger's minions until they are nailed for something, like intefering with an officer in the course of his duties, littering or breathing in and out in a threatening manner.

While they are in jail pending a bail hearing the SAS who have been spirited into the country draw numbers  to decide which gunslingers get an unexpected visit. Some entrepreneur could even run a little numbers racket on the side here. Pick 4 from 15.

Nobody ever sees anything anway so they won't see the bad guys being snatched even if it's done in broad daylight accompanied by a marching band - but of course it will be a lot sneakier than that.

Take these badass gangstas for a little cruise, about 12 miles off the island, and drop them off to swim back. If these gangstas are as hard as they think they are they may even live.

If that doesn't quite things down repeat until it does.

Naturally the Police aren't involved in any of this extra judicial stuff, just uphold the law and make the initial arrests for minor offences. And of course it would be their duty to investigate these disappearances to the usual high standards with the usual level of witness co-operation and support from the public.

Get it done while the UK politicos and media are caught up in General Election fever and too busy to poke around investigating a few missing criminals, who may have fled the island anyway because things were getting too hot. How did they leave? Who knows, same way the guns get in probably.

Deniabilty is built right into the whole process. The criminals 'advantages' are all turned against them. Poetic Justice.

You see, if you are motivated enough, negatives can be turned into positives.

Sorry Gordon but enough is enough -  those who dare win.

Headless Chuckie

An ex MLA, former Minister of Who Cares and one of Cayman's several surviving brain donor's, Charles (Chuckie) Clifford has decided enough is enough wit Mac.

While he was at the Legislative Assembly trough Chuckie displayed some talent in base political skills, he could lie, equivocate, dissimulate and grandstand but overall he was out of his political depth.

Backgound for those who need it:
Just before resigning as Minister of Tourism Chuckie, was a high minded whistleblower, ratted Mac out over a financing deal Mac swung re that popular and profitable tourist trap Boatswains Beach. Then got himself elected on the 'Anyone but Mac' ticket in the 2005 election 

Chuckie seemed to mistake Mac's fall from favour in 2005 as a positive vote for himself, a misunderstanding Bodden Town voters corrected for him in the 2009 election.
 
Safe in the knowledge that Mac is off island Chuckie has begun a re-run of the old themes, the main one being Mac is giving away Caymanian birthrights with his relaxation of immigration control on the finance sector.

Mr Clifford claimed that the United Democratic Party (UDP) government recently implemented a policy by means of the Immigration (Financial Services Sector) Directions 2010 to the Immigration Board to grant key employee status to a large number of employees, which he estimated to be 9,000 persons, plus their dependents, who are currently working in a wide range of positions in the financial services industry. According to Mr Clifford, the total estimated addition to the population of residents with Caymanian status would be 27,000 as a result. ”

Now I know the PPM aren't supposed to be very good with figures, hence the financial crisis, so I refer Mr Clifford to this document - http://www.eso.ky/docum1/docum94.pdf - an official publication of the ESO.

To save you valuable hammock time , dear reader, here is the key part..

See the problem with Chuckie's 9,000 figure - wrong ballpark - there's no evidence, except perchance evidence of prejudice for that 9,000.

Chuckie says that ain't so

Recognising that most modern democratic nations have had to rely on immigration and expatriate labour to build their economies, Mr Clifford does not denigrate expatriate labour or skill, attributing the “miracle” of the Cayman Islands’ economic growth to them.

Chuckie may not "denigrate" expat labour but he sure as hell would rather it knew its place compared to the chosen ones and he's not above a little rabble rousing to make it so.

Best thing you could do here Chuckie is
a) get your facts straight before you stir up unrest and
b) send a Get Well Soon card to each of the two expats lying in hospital with machete wounds who were "denigrated" in separate incidents.

Cayman needs a better thought out and more comprehensive plan for these hard times than one for re-electing Chuckie - wearing Ezzards stolen clothes this time instead of Mac's.

The List that Time forgot

I was glancing at the new look CayCompass when this caught my eye ...

Book ban still in force

Good to see that some tendril of the Civil Service brambleweed is engaged in looking out for the soul of Cayman, I thought. These are dire times: another child gunned down, this one almost a baby, by monkey-see-monkey-shoot gangstas.

Still at least those wanabee bad-asses won't be able to read literature that may corrupt them further, no suh!

Although the law has not been updated in 12 years and lists publications that are out of print or discontinued, it is still being enforced by Customs and Excise officers.
“Once the law is on the books, it will be enforced,” said assistant collector of Customs and Excise Trevor Williams.

 'Leg Show' and 'Swank'' are banned for example but not Playboy' - then again Heffner has money and rich friends and may like to build or buy in Cayman.

I read the list of banned publications with growing amazement. The sub-text of the list is less about common decency and more  "Permit nothing that would get the locals uppity or overstimulated": there are some real boners (oops, Freudian slip there) on the list.

For example 'Evergreen' - a UK publication aimed at the elderly that concerns itself with things like happy childhood memories, Olde England,  and pictorials on quaint parish churches and cottage gardens.

Banning a thing increases its desirability and, knowing dollars speak louder than words in Cayman, I expect there is a  literary shebeen tucked away in a backstreet selling copies of 'Evergreen' in discreet brown wrappers.

Picture the scene, Little Nicky, collar pulled high and casting nervous glances about him, enters the establishment.

Ah Reverend, good day!

Oh, er, good day.

Sorry but this month's 'Swank' never made it past Customs but 'Evergreen' did. It was inside a copy of Playboy. There's a great centerfold of Salisbury Cathedral. I ain't never seen flying buttresses like it! Nice set of cloisters too!

Er, thank you. I only buy it for the crossword you know.

Whatever you say Rev. That'll be 50 bucks please. Yes all in ones is OK.

Equally bizzare  is this ban:

All publications published by persons or firms whose address is Suite 2305, 450 7^th Avenue, New York

The present occupants of that address, Coalfire Systems, are specialists in the field of IT Security and Auditing - why would their publications be banned in the Cayman Islands?  Is auditing such an undesirable activity. Sorry, silly question.

The ban on some of the milder forms of erotic and sexual literature, given the ready access to cable-tv-sex and the internet seems rather passé. Educating boys and young men that women aren't sex objects for their immediate gratification (so they don't, say, go out and rape and murder them like poor Estella) is first and foremost a parental duty isn't it? Sorry again, what am I thinking - everything is Government's job isn't it? Then again as half the population is in government jobs ...


In the age of the internet expecting Customs to hold back an incoming tide of filth and subversion is as futile as King Cnut trying to hold back the sea - although I have heard it said Customs and Excise do act like a bunch of Cnuts (anag.)

Arresting Comments

"New governor taken to Northward Prison"

CNS Headline.

Better safe than sorry Eh?

Cruising in Grand Cayman

Another Gay cruise is due to visit Cayman soon and the Cayman Islands Ministers Association is making a bigger fuss about it than Elton John choosing which earring to wear.

That old chestnut (co-incidentally 'Old Chestnut' is the exact shade of Elton's hairpiece) "Is Homosexuality innate or learned?" is making the rounds again.

Anyhoo ... I ended up on the phone-in with the Reverend U. R. Hellbound on Radio TalkSh*t.



My question to the Rev was this, 'Is Homophobia innate or learned?'.

To which he replied, "First, let me ask you a question about these homosexuals, Would you let your daughter marry one?"

 He got me there.