Going Backwards

Like many long suspected, Operation Tempura turned out to be a total con. The smart people on marlroad.com (and me) figured it all out in fine detail months and months ago and saw the recent Lyndon Martin trial confirm our beliefs. Tempura was worse than a waste of  money because nothing has improved and much has been damaged.

It takes a big man to admit he was wrong ... so the Governor doesn't.

I read a comment elsewhere that, for the last few two decades, each successive Governor of the Cayman Islands has been worse than the last - and I have to agree. Each has brought their lifetime of inexperience and imposed it on Cayman. They do what they know - but they don't seem to know what they do and impede the proper development of Cayman.

Anyone could perform at these standards if that is all that's required - even I could do this stuff and I'm a Chartered Idiot.

Let's hope the new Governor represents an evolutionary advance not a throwback - enough is going backwards already.

... and before you ask Madam, third man in from the right - that's a Glock in his hand.

Mistaken Identity?

UK expats of a certain age will recall a long running BBC children's program known as Crackerjack! hosted in its later years  by The Krankies, a Scottish husband and wife duo Jeanette and Ian, that featured the diminutive Jeanette dressed up as naughty schoolboy "Wee Jimmy Krankie".

Wee Jimmy is an anarchic, cheeky, mischievous scamp, always getting into scrapes but somehow never quite getting found out. Physically the role can be demanding and a couple of years back Jeanette had a serious accident while playing Jack in "Jack and the Beanstalk"  fracturing her skull and breaking her collar bone and ribs. She went somewhere warm and quiet to recuperate.

Having set the scene let us proceed to the scurrilous rumours ...

The Doppleganger Rumour:
Wee Jimmy Krankie has been Governor of the Cayman Islands these last four years! Far fetched? Yes ... but it does explain a lot.

The Stunt Double Rumour:
On retirement from public office (ex)Governor Jack will take up the role of stunt double for Wee  Jimmy Krankie over the 2009 Christmas pantomime season  in a production of Jack and the Beanstalk.

Giving more credibility to this rumour is the uncanny match of attributes possessed by Jack that would suit him for the role of Jimmy -  Scottish brogue, diminutive stature and recent pantomime experience in "Ali Bridger and the 40 Thieves"

All we really have to go on is this picture and a possible code word or password on the reverse "Fan-Dabi-Dozi".



Next time you meet Jack try and slip the word "Fan-Dabi-Dozi" into the converation and watch his reaction.

Last Year's Model

According to the Compass, The Miss Cayman 2009 competition is cancelled and  Miss Cayman 2008's reign will continue.

When Cayman has to make do with last years model things are getting serious.

If government can't afford a new Miss Cayman can it afford its  Cash for Clunkers programs like the Governor's Salary?

Monkey Business

See no evil. Speak no Evil. Hear no Evil.

Sound advice as a rule - but you can't run a successful newspaper like that.

The original three wise monkeys, from 17th century Japan, were Mizaru, who saw no evil, Kikazaru who heard no evil and Iwazaru who spoke no evil.

Closer in time and nearer to home three unwise monkeys Dezzaru, Lyndzaru and Evanzaru have been getting up to monkey business in Cayman. A lot of important people from the governor down have made pratfalls on  the banana skins these three left lying about the place. Still, these saucy simian 'saboteurs' weren't the adults here were they?

Yessuh,  dem make a monkey out of de Man ... who mistook some rather juvenile chest beating displays for serious threats to the entire community.

Passing the Buck

Two lawyers are having lunch in a restaurant when armed robbers burst in. As the robbers start taking money and valuables from the other customers one lawyer presses something into the other's hand under the table.

Without looking down, the second lawyers whispers, "What's that?"

"That's the $100 I owe you".

That's the way the new private finance initiative is going to work for Cayman - everybody looses out except the crooks but by manipulating the timing of repayments the smart people loose no more than they stood to loose anyway.

Maybe the smart people don't loose at all in the long run, what if the crooks from the story get caught and the lawyer who borrowed ends up representing them ... on legal aid.

Lord how the money goes round - until it runs out, which is has.

The word "tax" is not to be used in polite company on Cayman; the expression "live within your means" is akin to profanity too. Civil Servants seem to have become a protected species - though Mac's attitude to whistling ducks leaves the worth of protected status open to doubt.

No pain no gain. The central issues of how Cayman will control public expenditure and repay borrowing have been daintily stepped over like a sleeping drunk and the focus has shifted to who it will borrow from in a bid to continue to live beyond its means.

Hopefully the financial backer for this "Borrow your way out of debt" strategy will be a fool, from whose money we can soon part him, and not a rogue.

Meantime better add another storey to one of the new government buildings for the section that is going to deal with PFI tendering and compliance issues and the entourage of lawyers, accountants and consultants that attend it.