Bush to sue 'I Speak Your Weight Machine'?

Unreliable sources, ie. not Mr Bush hisself, report that the Premier's sensitivity to criticism has hit new heights and he is to sue an "I speak Your Weight Machine" for defamation. 

Apparently Premier Bush and Kurt Tibbets had a disagreement, about who weighed the most, that turned into a bet. Naturally only honour was at stake not money, because gambling is illegal here, and nothing illegal ever happens in Grand Cayman. Ever.

This was clearly an unwise wager by Kurt since, following the fitting of his gastric band, Mr Bush is less bulky than he was -  Bush Lite, as some wags have it. But it is heartening to find Mr Tibbets disagreeing with Mac on something.

Neither could produce a pair of scales that the other would trust and as it was a weekend the public weighbridge was closed, so they agreed to use a drug store I-Speak-Your-Weight machine that dispensed a printed card recording the weight.

"Yessuh let's have it on record", said Kurt, "That way you can't be puttin words into my mout'  later."

"The man quick enough to put anything in your mout' ain't been born. You so busy fillin it yourself nobody else can get at it", replied Mac.

Disregarding these observations on his appetite Kurt stepped up to the plate (no not that sort of plate) and caused some merriment saying  "This here machine is right up yah political street  Mac. It's Pay to Play".

Kurt patted his pockets looking for 10¢ to operate the machine but seemed to be out of change. Turning to Mac he asked, "Hey buddy, can you spare me a dime?  I'm broke. Like Cayman."

"Yeah! And you the one dat broke it",  Mac replied.

Kurt finally found a coin from a pocket and pressed it into the slot. The needle raced around the dial with an audible whoosh. Zero to Sumo in under a second.

The machine coughed out its verdict in polite metallic tones,  "One at a time please or you will damage the mechanism".

Mac quickly stepped in. "Kurt, you so heavy the needle on the dial is all the way round and bendin' up. Let me try it 'fore you break it."

The Premier mounted the scale's platform, half turned and winked to the growing crowd. "Now watch this".  He dropped his money (your money really) into the coin slot. The needle on the dial moved at a more leisurely pace this time: Mac smiled knowingly. When it stopped the machine's voice sounded out.

 "Whoah! You so fat when you haul ass you gotta make two trips" 

Mac stepped back, affronted, "Enough about my trips!  All I'm hearin' is too much trips this and too many trips that!  You mind out now 'cause I'm gonna sue your ass for every nickel you got."

 

Attempts to contact Mr Bush hisself for comments and verification on this story were unsuccessful as he was entrenched behind his new Wall of Silence in West Bay. If this one works other walls of silence will surely follow.

Send in the Clowns

Opening the new Legislative Assembly earlier this week Uncle Mac Bush (think Uncle Joe Stalin) praised the architects for capturing the essence of the new politics - a three ring circus housing a puppet show.

The event began in spectacular fashion. An expectant crowd awaited his arrival with baited breath and some cheers were raised as his expensively customized vehicle hove into view. As it glided to a standstill an usher strode forward to open the rear passenger door. But what's this? The door came off in the usher's hand followed by a deafening BANG! and vast plumes of brown smoke erupted as all the wheels sprang off.

Good old Mac, everyone knew the wheels would fall off sometime, only the timing was in question, but it was still finely entertaining.

On the door mirror was a warning sticker stating,  "Caution: With hindsight voters can appear more stupid than they actually are. Proceed with care."


Drawing up to the microphone, set against a backdrop of smoke and distorting mirrors, Mac gave a sometimes emotional, sometimes amusing, speech about a variety of topics.

He spoke of his true love for Cayman and, seeming to become a little tearful, drew out his green silk hankie to dab his eyes. But as he drew out the hankie out came many more multi-hued silks all knotted together until there were yards of colourful fabric draped around his feet.

"That's what happen when the Auditor General get hisself involved in drawing up a specification", he quipped, "Everything ends up oversized and overcomplicated. Yessuh! I wanted Dan the Man fired, from the canon, and, though some say we wouldn't,  I say we would find someone else of his calibre."

He also touched on the other circuses in town. "We only need one circus. Competition from the Media Circus and the Civil Circus for equal billing is no longer welcome. If they want to pull their stunts and have performing Seales and stuff like that they going to have to pay good fees in future." And he wasn’t talking about just $5000, “I’m talking over $100,000”. He indicated that in the future, so long as it was inside his tent, any public performer would be allowed to walk a tightrope, "mighty tight too", without fear of repercussions - or a safety net.

And talking of rope he said people had run out of it, Cayman had run out of it, and he'd given them all the rope he was going too. "The Civil Circus don't deliver the old rope we pay them for and we just don't make the stuff anymore" - although that could change depending on the economic situation, which Sideshow Jefferson was juggling with but  it was all up in the air at the moment.

Heart ruling the head?

Sooo ... is the early excitement about Dr Shetty's plan for Medical Tourism as misplaced as it was for "Dr" Syed? 

The University College of the Cayman Islands (UCCI) has announced the appointment of Dr. Hassan Syed as its new President, following a rigorous search and selection process, which was undertaken in partnership with the Ministry of Education, Training, Employment, Youth, Sports & Culture.

The Education Minister, Hon. Alden McLaughlin, expressed his delight at Dr. Syed's appointment by saying that, "This heralds the beginning of an exciting new chapter in UCCI's history.

He added, "We are delighted to have an education professional of Dr. Syed's caliber at the helm of this Caymanian institution, especially one who is so accomplished in the local community.

The Ministry looks forward to a long and productive partnership with Dr. Syed and the University College".

That all turned out well didn't it? The "partnership" was neither notably long nor productive.

Behind the blizzard of bullshit from McLaughlin lay a simple truth:  Syed was bought and paid for (at quite some expense as it turned out) to lower standards to enable the 'Graduation' of  slack-jawed children of dimwitted voters. A good attendance record was all you needed to show up in the hired academic hat and gown and get the Graduate photo that proved to your Grandma's satisfaction that you were a genius.

Shetty actually is a Doctor (MD)  -  whereas Syed was a pretend "My Little Pony" Phd so there's one cause for optimism.

But whatever is supposed to be cooking here I will bet my right testicle (Mrs B already has the left one) it isn't what is finally served up. Land deals - yes. Some foundations being laid - yes. Money coming in from investors - yes.

But then what?


The business model that works in low cost India isn't going to translate well to high cost Cayman - the production line high-thoughput approach isn't a good match with the caribbean ambiance either.  But rather than build a smaller facility and learn what could work it's going to be a 2,000 bed hospital for cardiac surgery from the get go.

What worries me is the plethora of crowd pleasing distraction statements  now flowing from Dr Shetty that make him sound oh so political. 

 In recent media presentations the "Heart Factory" morphs into a general hospital which could mean general world class medical care right here on Cayman (just like UCCI was going to be the new Harvard). The prospect of large scale medical training opportunities for Caymanians is bandied about. Other jurisdictions wanted this facility but Shetty's heart is set on Cayman.  Why is any of this old flannel needed if the original business model stands up?

Is Mac going to cash in on the land deal whatever happens next?
Is Shetty's heart in the right place or will he cash in on his investors and bail out?

Or am I being heartless to even think this way?